Letters To Lead Him Back
by l1lyfl0w3r
Summary: Taking Angela's advice, Bella decides to express her feelings in a letter after Edward leaves her in NM. Instead of burning the letter like Angela said, Bella places the letter in the Cullen's abandoned mailbox, hoping it will find its way to him.


AN: Ever since I saw Breaking Dawn the day it came out, I've been Twilight obsessed all over again. Unlike with Harry Potter, my obsession with Twilight comes and goes. It'd been on hiatus for a while but Breaking Dawn fixed that. Ever since Winter Break started, I've been wanting to write another Twilight story and this came to mind. Hope you enjoy!

Happy Readings!

**Letters To Lead Him Back**

Bella POV

_Dearest Edward,_

_My heart rips apart at the mention of your name, tears fall from my eyes and I try desperately to shield myself from this pain. No amount of shielding works for the pain I feel and knowing that you don't feel the same way only makes the pain worse. I find myself unable to sleep at night, the pain being too strong and the rare times I do manage to sleep, I always wake up screaming from the nightmares, the pain, the hurt, the anger…I always wake up Charlie with my screams…He tries to comfort me but he can't. I don't think anyone will be able to take away this pain…except you._

_Days pass in a blur, food doesn't taste the same anymore and nothing holds my attention. I can no longer read books or listen to music. You seep into everything around me and that constant reminder of you kills me. I'm in constant pain. Some days I feel dull and void and then there are days where I can't even get out of bed but then the bed reminds me of out nights together and the pain worsens. It's a cruel, endless cycle I'm facing and I can't escape. I'm not sure I want too, though. The pain is the only reminder that you were once a part of me, once a part of my life; that I didn't just make up the last few glorious months. I welcome the pain, embrace it. I feel that the day I no longer feel the pain, it means that I have forgotten you…forgotten us and I can't bare the thought of forgetting you. I need you in my life, any part of you and if that means the pain you brought upon my heart, my soul, then I'll take it without complaint. I need you in my life, Edward._

_It's been 2 months since that night. 2 months since I last smiled, 2 months since I felt joy, 2 months since I last laughed, 2 months since I last listened to music, read a book…2 months since I last felt like living. Not a second goes by that I don't think of you. Even now, as I'm writing, my eyes close and all the memories flood in, breaking my dam that I have tried to build up. No words can possibly explain what I am going through. I can barely see the words I'm writing; the stupid tears are clogging my vision._

_Gosh, why? Why, Edward? Why did you lead me on, to make me believe that you actually cared? Why make it feel like you loved me? Why was I so gullible to fall for it? I've always known you were too good for me…the perfect creature sent from God to mock me. To fool me, to blind me._

_I know that you will never read this letter and I felt the need to write out everything. Charlie would no doubt ship me off to a mental institution if I told him all I was feeling, all I was going through since you left me. I've tried to contact Alice but it seems she was in with the act. It only makes me wonder if everyone was in with the plot to pretend to befriend the little human girl. It was foolish on my part to believe it. How could the immortals befriend, or even love, the clumsy human? The answer, as I have had to find out the hard way, is simple: they don't._

_After all I have felt and gone through these past 2 months, I find that I need to be honest with myself. I still love you, Edward. Gosh darn it, Edward, I love you! I want to be mad at you, for breaking me like you did but I can't. How can I? You shouldn't have had to stick around if you never loved me. I understand but you need to understand something; you are still my everything, you are still my world, my life. You must have severely underestimated my feelings for you if you foolishly believe that I could ever get over you and love another. They will be no other, only you can have my heart. But you took that with you. My body, each night, longs to be held by you, my hands ache to be in yours and my soul yearns for your love. Of course, as we both know, this will never happen._

_I hope that wherever you are, that you are happy. That is my only wish; your happiness. Whether you find love with another, I know not. But if you do, please know that I will always be yours. I have been yours and will forever remain yours._

_Always yours,_  
><em>Isabella<em>

I wiped the tears away but it was useless. The letter was already drowning in the tears I had shed as I wrote. The words were barely legible but I could have care less.

I took an envelope from the drawer, inserted the letter, sealed it and wrote "Edward Cullen" on the front. My hands shook violently as I wrote out his name. I hadn't thought his name in 2 months and now here I was, writing it out in a letter I was address to him!

I made my way to my truck, letter tucked in my coat jacket. I knew it was stupid, but I didn't care. I wasn't going to burn the letter like Angela had suggested. There was a small part of me that thought maybe they would come back and find the letter. It didn't matter if they came back in the next few months or in 100 years, when I would be long and dead, but when they did come back, they would find the letter.

With the hole still in my heart and the ache in my chest, I followed the all too familiar route to his home. As I reach the drive way, I pulled to the side of the road. Once I found what I was looking for, I got out of the car and headed towards the mail box.

My hands shook violently as I placed the envelope in the box. I closed my eyes shut once the door of the mail box was closed. The pain was throbbing in my chest, it was hard to breathe. Tears slipped from my eyes. I couldn't be here any longer. Without a parting glance at the abandoned home, I got back in my car and drove home.

xxx

Alice POV

My eyes snapped one, the vision gone. If I could have cried, tears would be flooding the room. I wanted to scream at my brother. How could he! How DARE him! Jasper must have felt my sudden anger as I felt his arms wrap around me, hugging me to his chest.

"Alice, what did you see? Is it Edward? Is it…" I knew what he was going to say but he couldn't bring himself to say it.

"I need to go back." Understanding filled his eyes. Jasper pulled me away from his chest to look at me.

"You know what Edw-"

"I don't give crap for what Edward says! I need to go back." I pulled myself back into Jasper's hug. "I have to get something." The words were a whisper but Jasper heard me.

xxx

With the letter in my hand, I got back into the car.

"Is that it?"

I nodded, tucking it in my pocket.

"I saw Bella writing this and putting it in the mailbox. I have to find a way to get it to Edward, Jasper. He has to know what he did to her!" I felt my hands gripping the steering wheel, trying to contain my temper. Any more pressure and I knew the steering wheel would succumb to dust. Jasper, feeling the anger, calmed me down. I took deep breaths. I turned to look at my husband, my voice barely an audible whisper.

"Jazz, she looked terrible! I almost didn't recognize her. I've never seen anyone look so distraught, besides Edward. She was so pale and unhealthy. I don't think she's been eating or sleeping. She was crying and her hands were shaking as she wrote." I clenched my teeth. "I have to make Edward see what he did! What he is putting her through. What he's putting himself through."

xxx

"Pick up the stupid phone, Edward! I have to speak with you! It's urgent!" I snapped the phone shut, leaving my 8th voice mail. I swear, if Edward doesn't pick up his phone soon, I would track him down and kill him!

xxx

Bella POV

_Dearest Edward_

_It's been 2 weeks since I last wrote. Nothing has changed. I took my last letter to your mailbox, thinking that when you guys came back, you would find it. I only hope that one day these letters will fall into your hands. I need you read my letters, Edward. It's killing me to be without you. I don't know how much longer I can stand to be like this; how much longer my heart can take this. I've been in this black abyss since you left. I don't see anything but darkness around me. I don't feel anything but darkness. I miss you._

_Angela came up to me yesterday, asking if I ever wrote you a letter. I explained I had and she asked what I did with it. I told her I did as she had suggested. I told her I burnt it. I lied. She was shocked I had spoken to her. I haven't said a word to anyone at school since…then._

_I don't know what to do anymore. Angela is trying to comfort me and I wish her advice was working. It was during lunch when she suggested the letter writing. I was staring into nothing, sitting alone at the lunch table when she came up to me. She asked how I was doing. I didn't say anything. She seemed to understand that I wasn't going to respond but she kept talking anyway. She explained how she read somewhere that if you were to write a letter, explaining all your feelings then burn it, that it helps with the pain. She probably thought I wasn't listening. I didn't make any acknowledgement that I was. I was surprised when she came up to me yesterday and asked. _

_Writing that letter helped. It felt..nice, to finally express everything. I guess that's why I'm writing another letter. I guess you could say I'm using this as a diary but I need this diary to be read by you. _

_I love you,_

_Isabella_

_xxx_

_Dearest Edward,_

_The letter was gone! The one I had put in your mailbox, the first one I wrote. I was placing the next letter inside and the first letter was missing. I don't know what this means…I almost don't want to think of the countless possibilities as what could have happened to the letter. I hope that it finds itself in your hands, somehow. _

_A week as passed since I last wrote. The pain is still there but that's nothing new. It will never go away. _

_Angela has been walking with me to class, she sits with me at lunch. I don't understand how she can bare to be around me. I'm nothing but gloom and doom. I am thankful for her, though. She hasn't given up on me like everyone else has. _

_I miss Alice, terribly. I miss our shopping outings, her ball of energy…her friendship. Angela just doesn't compare to Alice. I need her, almost has bad as I need you. It hurts to know she left without a goodbye. I thought we had a genuine bond and to know she left like she did, it feels like she stabbed me in the gut. _

_I wish I could have given her a proper goodbye. To everyone. I guess I can do that here and you can tell them…_

_I miss everyone, even Rosalie. I know we never got along but she was still a part of the family I so desperately wanted to be a part of. I want to thank everyone for the memories you have given me; the good and the bad. I'm sorry I never got to say goodbye…so here it is. Goodbye. I hope you all are happy. _

_I wish I could write more, Edward, but the pain is becoming unbearable at the moment. I'll write later._

_I miss you above everyone else,_

_Isabella_

_xxx_

Each time I went back to the mailbox, to deliver another letter, the previous one was gone. I'm not sure what this meant but I continued writing. It was the relief I needed. Although it brought little comfort, I needed something and this was that something.

I started writing a letter once a week after the first two. All the letters essentially said the same thing. I mentioned Charlie and his efforts to comfort me and Angela's attempt to make feel normal. She keeps inviting me to a movie, her house, inviting me somewhere but I always declined. Well, I shake my head but she knows what I mean.

I have written a total of 7 letters, a month has passed since the first letter. The pain is always fresh each time I write; each time I spell out his name, tears escape and my arms itch to wrap around me, to protect me from the pain I'm forcing myself to endure. 3 months…

I was in the middle of thinking when I heard a noise from my window and looked up. I gasped as I saw _him_, standing in front of the window, but he looked different. Pain radiated from him, his eyes were nearly black, his cloths were a mess, and his hair looked as if it hadn't been combed in months. He looked like me…

"Bella…" His voice was broken, like he hadn't used it in a while. Immediately, tears fell from my eyes. I hadn't heard it in so long. I had to be dreaming. My heart was aching me to jump up from my bed to touch him, to see if he was real and not an apparition but I was frozen in place.

"Edward." It was a whisper, barely audible to my ears but I knew he heard it. Pain flashed across his face when he heard my voice. I saw him take a step towards me and it was then I saw something in his hand. I gasped. It was my letters! He must have noticed where my gaze was as he held out his hand, the letters in his grasp.

"It is true?" Pain seeped in his voice. Pain? From what?

"Is what true?"

"What you wrote? How you feel, what you've been going through?" His voice held this urgency; like nothing else matter in the world but my answer. I was about to answer but my voice betrayed me. I couldn't answer audibly; the pain from everything broke free. I looked down to my lap, wrapped my arms around my torso, shut my eyes and nodded, not capable to see his face, to see the pain.

I felt a slight pressure on my chin, forcing me to look up. I kept my eyes shut, tears still falling. I felt his cold hand wipe the tears away. I wanted to open my eyes, to see his face but I couldn't. I suddenly felt his cold arms wrap around me, hugging me to his chest. I wept, sobbed whatever you want to call it. I clutched a fistful of his shirt in my grip, not wanting him to leave. I was able to smell him, being so close to him. Oh gosh, his scent. My memory had done it poor justice. My hands gripped his shirt tighter.

I let everything I had been hiding but putting into letters come out. All the tears I hid from Charlie I shed freely in front of the man who caused them. My body shook violently as I cried. I don't know how long I cried but I could tell from the wetness of his shirt, it had been a while.

When I thought I was done crying, I heard something. A hum. _My lullaby_. My head snapped up to look at him. His eyes were closed, his arms still around me and pain was still there. It was then I realized, he would have been sobbing too if he could. We were both hurting, badly. He knew exactly how I felt. He was just as miserable away from me as I was away from him. The song, I realized was not only to comfort me as it had down numerous times, but to comfort him as well.

Without even thinking of the consequences, I pressed my lips against his. I immediately felt his arms wrap tighter around me, allowing no space between us. The instant when he kissed back, the whole in my heart was healed; the pain gone. Our mouths moved together like a dance, the passion and the warmth flowing through my body. The kiss was slow at first but rapidly became fervent, our longing for each other clearly represented in this kiss.

My hands released their grip on his shirt and flew to his hair, his hands on the small of back. Finally it hit. He was here. And he was kissing me. Before I could stop them, tears slipped out. Edward pulled back, realizing I was crying.

"I'm so sorry, Bella." He wiped the tears away with his thumb.

"You're here. You're really here." It was all I could say. Edward pulled me into his chest, his chin resting on my head.

"Yes, I am. I promise you, Bella, I won't leave again unless you order it. How could I have been so stupid to think you could have forgotten me? From the bottom of my heart, I am sincerely sorry for all the pain and suffering I've put you through. I love you so much. Will you ever be able to forgive me, my sweet, beautiful, amazing Bella?" He had pulled me away from his chest, to look into my eyes when he said the last part. I saw love and sadness in them.

I raised my hands to take his face into my hands.

"Before I answer, I need to know something. Why?" I didn't need to explain what I meant. He knew.

"I thought I was protecting you. After what happened with Jasper…I was hit with the reality of how dangerous it was what we were doing. What I was doing by being with you. I lied. I never meant a word of what I said, Bella. Please believe me. I was only thinking of you. Alice…she tried to talk me out of it; saying I would only hurt both of us but I didn't believe her. She wasn't dating a human; she hadn't fallen in love with someone so breakable. How could she have understood what I was going through?" He closed his eyes and paused for a moment. "I told her not to look for you…but somehow a vision of you slipped in. She said it was of you writing a letter and putting it in our mailbox. She drove back here, to pick up the letter."

"Alice took the letters?" He nodded.

"She called me afterwards. She wanted me to read it. I was away at the time…I couldn't stay with the family. I need time alone to think. I ignored her calls, at first. But after a month of her endless calls and voicemails, I picked up. She explained everything. At first I didn't believe her. Then she read it. Your first letter. I don't know how to explain it but I knew then she wasn't lying. I could tell that they were your words. She couldn't have been able to express that much pain. So, I came back and read the rest of them. Bella, it was like you were writing down my emotions, my feelings. I couldn't stay away any longer, anymore. I love you so much. I'm here to stay. Can you forgive me?"

I knew my answer long before he even had to ask. Although he may have doubted my feelings for him, I never doubted mine. There were times I found myself anger at Edward for leaving but my love for him never dwindled. Knowing that he loves me back only makes my answer so much easier to say.

"Forever and always, yes."


End file.
